CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!!!

Let’s just put aside the fact that you may or may not bug me anyway…  Let’s also put aside the fact that I don’t really care all that much about what you’re going to say…  And just for kicks, let’s put aside the fact that I’m being very honest here…

But I am definitely certain that I’m not the only one who doesn’t want to see, nor hear, what ever crap you’ve just decided to rip to shreds with your bicuspids.  I also would really rather be left out of that love triangle you’ve just created between said “crap”, those bicuspids, and your smacking, slurping lengua in there.

First of all, why do you not know that that is completely socially unacceptable?  I don’t care what family you came from, what city, what religion… any of it.  I’m pretty sure this one is across the board, buddy.  You don’t chew with your mouth open.  At all. 

Secondly, why do you have to smack, smack, SMACK amidst your usually-ridiculous dialogue?  Is it just too long of a wait to finish a sentence before Olympics-auditioning-hurling those chocolates down your throat?  Are you worried that I’ll take them from you – yes, ALL of them, because that’s how I am – and there won’t be any left for you to smack on?  Maybe I should note that not everyone eats like Joey Tribbiani while having a normal conversation.  Maybe you won’t be so concerned…

While we’re on the subject, why do you have to slurp your liquids?  Drinks, soups, milk from your morning’s cereal…  Here’s a novel idea – CLOSE YOUR MOUTH AROUND THE SPOON.  Yes, all the way.  No gaps for air in there.  Guess what?!!  It’s probably not going to make that lovely slurping sound!

So seriously, I just really wish that your relationship with you and your food could remain simply that.  Between YOU and your food.  I don’t mind one little bit seeing it before it makes its way to your dientes.  Hey, it’s possible I’m having the same thing (or may have even prepared it) and am getting ready to do the same…  But that’s where it ends.  I don’t look at mine beyond that point, and I sure as hell don’t want to see yours.  Or hear it.

Back-Handed Compliments?

I hate these.

The back-handed compliment.
You know, "What a great room! Too bad it will be torn apart in a few years." Or, "You're so awesome. Why aren't you married?"
Gee, you're right-- nice things are meant to be eaten on, climbed on, jumped on and drawn on. I don't know what I was thinking. And, maybe I'm not married because I'm really that selfish and picky and I've only broken heart after heart (no, I've never been hurt) along the way.
So, when someone tells me, "Cute haircut! I liked it better long... but it's cute." am I supposed to smile and say, "thanks"? I really don't know.
Oh well, this is the same person who told me (when I told them I was choosing to stay home after having a baby), "What a waste of an education."
Weird. I always thought my choice to be educated would enrich my life beyond just a job.
Guess not.

Mommy Blogger

I read a blog post a while back.......about a Mo Mo Mommy who blogs, who was expressing her concerns about blogging. I think it's really funny when people have nothing else to blog about except for their feelings about blogging.

And while this blog post is a contradiction in itself, since it is a blog post about blogging, I have decided that I should post it anyway due to the hilariousness of it's message.

I repeatedly see bloggers who post things on their blogs that have some of the following messages:

people who are expressing that they just have TOO many other blogs to read,

the obligation of having to comment on EVERYONE'S blog,

the pressure - oh the pressure - of updating their blog,

the guilt for not reading blogs on their list that they don't like to read anymore,

the time they HAVE to spend online, surfing blogs

the content of other peoples blog posts

the incessant pressure of COMPETITION with other Mo Mo Mommies thru blogging

The guilt for spending time away from children to blog

After spending some time in wonder, I ask 'When you begin to blog about blogging, is it time to admit to yourself that you MUST find more things to do?'

I honestly think that if you have the time to start worrying, or for heaven's sake, if you actually REALLY DO need to worry about any of those things...

IT'S TIME FOR A PERSONAL INTERVENTION!!

Jack

One might think that amidst a year’s hiatus, a DUI charge / conviction (with 30 days of jail time served), and a ridiculous writers’ strike – I wouldn’t be too interested in Day 7 of “24”.  Not so much.

My husband and I both (now that’s true devotion) had “appointments” set in our phones for last night’s season premiere.  I got so excited when the 15-minute reminder went off that I completely blew off going to my sister’s house, only to completely ignore my 2-year-old for two hours straight (she won’t remember that, right?).

While this season’s initial villain has me more than a little upset (seriously—don’t even get me started), I am dying to see where the story goes!!!  Loving newcomer, Agent Walker.  Jack needs a new hottie who knows how to handle a weapon in his life.  Can’t wait to see Chloe come back (everyone’s favorite social misfit).  And basically, things are never as they seem in the world of “24”, so anything can happen.

While this season technically is underway now, I won’t really be watching it for another couple of months.  We can’t stand commercials, for one, nor the week to week anticipation.  Come season finale time, you will find my family glued to the TV for about 5 days straight (that’s our season record—mind you, it’s literally 20 hours of Jack), during which we will be sleep-deprived, meal-skimping, treason-dreaming, Bauer-quoting, shower-neglecting, couch-sitting, neglectful parents…

…With one more fabulous season under our wings.  I kind of wish I were Jack Bauer.

STOP TORTURING ME with your MOLLY DECOR!!

I spent some time last week with an acquaintance. It wasn't time I chose to spend, it was time required and requested, and I accepted, not knowing I would be spending time with this certain acquaintance.....but alas, I found myself there, spending the time, and.....well, just read this....

The conversation was OK, and I was semi-engaged in it. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I was singled out, and addressed with 'YOU have to see what my friend gave me for Christmas, YOU would love it.'

With a semi-forced smile and the 'Oh really, what is it?' that was DUE, but not sincere, I responded.

Then I was HIT with this BRICK, and I was truly blown away with NO IDEA of how to respond in a polite way.

'She made me a PLAQUE for my living room that says 'Having Everything is Believing that you DO.' Please understand, it didn't end there. She went on about what a great saying it is, and that she loves it SO MUCH.

I just listened. I waited for the Nonsense to STOP. Then I said something like 'Isn't it awesome when your friends know you SO WELL? I'm glad you are excited about it.'

Yup. I had to say something like that. Why do people corner me with this kind of emotional bombardment? First, I HATE THAT CRAP!!! Seriously. I HATE IT! How am I supposed to act excited about this stuff? I despise it on principal.

I'm also totally PISSED that the saying excites her. Why? I don't know. It totally bugs me. Having Everything is Believing that you do? Why do the Women of our time play these kind of mind games with themselves? This is self-trickery. And, why does she want everything to the point that she has to start the mind games in the first place? Does she really want everything? To me, this thing is just a complaint....a whiny, housewife with a grudge that wants to pull it off as a Holier-than-thou sort of self denial program.

Is this some sort of Mormon culture thing that I've been blissfully unaware 0f?

Having everything means getting rid of the tacky decor with the Stupid A saying on it. Seriously CHICK, occupy your thoughts with something more meaningful......print that on a plaque and hang it in your living room!

I still feel tortured that I even had this experience...sometimes, I just don't want to talk to people about their chotchsky's. I don't have an interest in what you hang on your walls, but I can assure you, when it's stuff like this, your better off keeping your TASTE to yourself.

(Confession - I do have a plaque in my house.....it's in my Son's room......but it says 'WILD THING, I THINK I LOVE YOU!)