baby Shade

I'm all for layering... But it really gets to me when I see moms requiring their little girls (translation: toddlers, 5-year-olds, infants, etc. ETC.!!!) to wear a t-shirt under their tank tops throughout the week and cute little sundresses at church.

Really?

You're really that concerned about your daughter's self-image already? So maybe you're worried about the creepy next-door neighbor (of which I have a few, myself)... But come on.

I honestly don't think her shoulders need to be covered every day when it's 85+ degrees outside.

If I weren't covering my own shoulders for a particular reason, you can bet I'd be relishing in that freedom.

Brining over Dinner

I'm trying not to feel bad about this.....but....

I am REALLY, REALLY happy that my Relief Society brings me dinners when I'm sick, and post op, and you know....that kind of stuff.

It's awesome, and the women in my ward can really cook- some yummy, yummy stuff. AND, they EVEN bring dessert :)

I want to give back....but I'm starting to think they KNOW they have better options??? Crap.

Stop yourself....

When you feel like you want to:

Complain about how fat you are when you're a size 4- STOP YOURSELF

Blog about Blogging, and your private/non private status: STOP YOURSELF

Complain about your creditors on Facebook: STOP YOURSELF

Wear anything with CARGO in the description: STOP YOURSELF

Send your kids to a modeling agency: STOP YOURSELF

Re-gift someone: STOP YOURSELF

Blog your testimony: STOP YOURSELF!!!!!!

Target and Vagina: the makings of a great story

Meet my favorite "Mommy Blogger" and brilliant writer Rebecca Wolf.

Now please follow the link if you are prepared to hear the best Vagina/Target story ever.

Left me in tears and giggling for hours.

www.girlsgonechild.net/

The post is called "Blogging Out Loud"

Props Rebecca, props.

kegels

I peed MORE than "a little" today during my workout. Damned jumping jacks and childbirth.

Footloose....

Igot to church about 8 minutes late today. I decided that it would be RUDE to enter the room, and that it would probably be more polite for me to sit on the nice comfy sofa in the foyer....

WE had a recently returned missionary speak, and then a high councilman.....who sounded EXACTLY like WREN!!!

I couldn't pay attention (what's new) because I was thinking about the awesome scene with the city council where Wren cites scriptures from the Bible.....

THERE IS a time to DANCE.

I love Church.

And, there's no high school musical like THIS high school musical...

The 'Spiritual' voice

I can remember being a little kid and getting screamed at for stuff. Stuff that was certifiably scream-able. I don't blame my Mom for screaming, and I actually think it was good to see her get mad every now and then. Otherwise Mom's would just be pushovers, right? You gotta know where the line is. I can also remember how flawlessly that voice would go from horrifying to pleasantly humble in a matter of milliseconds when the phone rang, or some poor soul would come to the door. It's a transformation I've been trying to master, but so far I've failed miserably. I've noticed that if I have just spent the last ten minutes in fury at my family, that I am equally unpleasant if I answer the door or phone. I'm basically just pure in emotion all the time, and you get what I am- no smoke, no mirrors. I've started to think that maybe there's more behind a voice that I thought. Maybe it's the nice-voiced people that are really the dangerous ones.

I have started to notice that there are lots of difference kinds of voices. The worst of those being the ones that have adapted from a regular speaking voice into the 'Spiritual' voice. Everybody knows at least one. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a bad dream surrounded by inhuman smile-painted-on women. WAKE ME UP!!! Seriously though.

Without going into too much detail- I know this girl. She and I have MANY differences. One BLATANTLY obvious one is that I have a regular voice, and everything she says comes out oozing in sweetness, softness, and is irritatingly sing-song-y. So, why.....WHY, when she is clearly a very nice person, does she irritate me so badly?

Because. Her 'SPIRITUAL' voice does not hide the fact that she is clearly a self-righteous, judging, snotty pants. Just because you say it NICELY doesn't mean that what your saying isn't totally LAME!!! And guess what, it doesn't matter how sweet you pretend to be on the outside, and how quiet and nice you squeak out words- the truth is, there are good people in the world that talk normally, and don't wear bows in their hair (in their 20's!!).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sick of this double standard. I'm done with the 'SPIRITUALLY' voice-ed people getting away with being jerks and saying totally rude things all the time, and never taking the responsibility for it just because they said it softly, and with insincere concern. I'd rather have somebody bluntly tell me whatever needs to be said in a regular voice.

The Creep

Creeps ALWAYS drive in BLUE cars.

You know it's TRUE.

Poopy Doopy

There's something about:

Institutional Buildings

and

Big Box Retail Stores

that really makes me

have to

POOP.



I can't explain it.

Can you?

Wedding Photos

So I was helping my friend with her baby while she took our friend's wedding photos on Saturday, and it was honestly a blast! While making sure she got in all the shots the couple and couple's parents really wanted, the bride's brother mentioned sunglasses... She actually said to her now-husband, "We should have brought our glasses for a "shades" shot!"

Noooooo!!!!!

Why does every couple (at least, I swear every other Mormon couple) think they need a "cool shades" shot?

This is the most formal event of your life! (Most likely, anyway...) Stick to the basics, with a creative photographer to mix it up just a bit, and let it be beautiful. You don't need to sacrifice your personality, but come on. "Cool Shades"???

Thank goodness their glasses were in their car.

(Disclaimer: The rest of the wedding was incredibly beautiful and "cool shades"-esque free.)

Caution: Do not use on eyes....

If you get really, really tired....

You might fall asleep with your makeup on....

Then you could find yourself the next morning waking up to a phone call...

walking into the bathroom, while on the wake up phone call....

and using nail polish remover to take off yesterdays eye makeup....

Only to find yourself screaming "I'm such a RETARD!!!" to the person on the phone that woke you up.....

And FLUSHing out your eyes repeatedly.....before finding the ACTUAL makeup remover.

slip-n-slide

While my father-in-law was working on our car today, he came in from the garage asking if we had any petroleum jelly. "Nope." After a discouraged look, I asked what it was for, and if there was anything else that might do the job. He went on to explain, it was to help "one part slide into another part"... Yeah, I just gave my father-in-law a dollop of KY. The worst part, though, is that I acted like it didn't embarrass me in the least bit! Right. I should have just said I didn't have any...

scandalous

Why do I feed off gossip?  I battle with the never-ending battle of whether or not to share it (the “sharing” is always more fun), I loooove hearing it, and I kind of thrive on persuading others to give it up.  (Whether or not they do is beside the point…)  I just learned something very juicy at work, and it is definitely something I should not share with ANYONE in the workplace.  Just very unprofessional and outside my privileges.  Yet I find myself dying to tell someone (which means I’ll probably just tell my husband, as he is completely removed from the situation).  I don’t really understand why gossip entrances me so.  I really admire those who are beyond-a-doubt trustworthy individuals (my aforementioned husband included).  I like to think that when it comes down to it I am pretty trustworthy, too.  But, come on!  Who doesn’t love just a little scandal?

LESS MON

LESS MON.

As opposed to MORE MON. (Mormon).

I can't take it anymore.

I love my faith, don't get me wrong. I'm just one of those people who should NOT be allowed in public. And yes, I am a contradiction in terms. I hate being judged and labeled. Now, please, read as I label and judge others.....

My ward has finally been split. Now we have 'permanent boundaries' and should be able to stay as we are without being grown into over 1000 people again. I was excited to have a regularly sized ward. I am glad that we have our new building open now, and that we can walk to church again.

It kinda sucks that SOME people are still in my ward though, and I lost my totally RAD visiting teacher. The only one I've had in 7 years. Sigh. And it Really sucks that I don't have a calling, and that I have to go to relief society. What's now 'my ward' is full of THAT kind of lady....the middle aged, ultra spiritual, singing, crying, testimony bearing, kind. You know what I mean. The whispering, glancing, labeling, and judging kind. The kind that say things to you like 'O, yes, I've heard you just had a baby, and that you work outside of the home...' hee hee hee. Like REGULAR, NORMAL people say things like that. Get a freakin day pass into the REAL WORLD lady.

It happened. It was last Sunday. Two Women. A whisper. A glance. And an invisible, silent, crass label was sent my direction....right into my eyes. Oops. They quickly looked back at each other....with the thought....'O dear, she saw us talking......about HER.' I honestly find it pretty humorous, and splendid to watch as it so predictably unfolds. It's like a celebration in stepford ignorance. I can hear the rest of what they said.....'I just feel so badly for her.....judge judge judge......' Well, don't. I have a great life. One that you, miss Perfect, could NEVER juggle.

I was hoping it would be a little smoother.....but, WARD o MINE, here it comes. I think we're about to get to know each other a little better. You asked for it :)

You've heard the phrase 'Less is more'. Well, I'm getting so exhausted with the ULTRA MORE Mons out there. The ones that think they have to overwhelm us all with their Testimony EVERY fast Sunday, and the ones that HAVE to sing louder than anybody else, the ones that always have something to say and never have anything to hear, the ones that do the looking and the glancing, the ones who FEEL like they needed to talk to you today, the ones that get INSPIRED all the time - to do things like turn left instead of right, or clean today instead of weed - and then break into a major spiritual reflection...... the ones that act like they can't be around you because you aren't the loudest singer/frequent testimony bearer/compulsive hand raiser/MORE MON, and they fear they might seem LESS by being friends with anything less than a MORE MON.

Well, I declare myself a 'LESS is More' mon.

Unleash the LESS MON.

Cause I'm too fat for REAL food.

And, I'm actually too cheap for REAL Slim fast.

I REALLY buy the Slim Rites.

Whatever. It's not like either of them will make me skinny anyway.

(please tell me they will.....please tell me they will.....)

my subconscious

Last night I had a dream that I was going to the “Primary” session of General Conference with the Young Women of my ward.  I was totally ticked off and bothered because all of my in-laws were in town (all men aside from my husband’s mother) and tagged along.  Not only were they tagging along / imposing on my bonding with the Young Women, but they were dilly-dallying in the back aisles of what I assume must have been the Conference Center (though it looked absolutely nothing like it) when they were supposed to be getting seated.  The nerve…

O . M . F . G . G .

Do you know how much happiness this show brings to my life?After this season starting to dry itself out in the beginning, it now has me salivating. I never wanted to be a couture-obsessed, Dom Perignon-sipping, morally-oblivious Upper-East sider so bad in my life.

I completely understand why mothers don't want their 16-year-olds watching this one. But do I really care?

minor adjustment...

Apparently there was some confusion with the previous post:

There is just WAY too much basketball on at my house for my taste. That is all.

it's madness, I tell you

You know, my sister used to brag about how happy she was that her husband is not into sports. I had forgotten that I was actually really, really jealous of that fact until this past week.

Are you a MOM?

What am I supposed to say when somebody I kinda know, who hasn't seen me forever, and who has NEVER bonded with me greets me like this...

'So are you back to work already, or do you still get to be a MOM?'...

....and says so in a completely intentional, self righteous, judgemental, holier than thou, disapproving way?

Since I don't know what I SHOULD have said, because deep down, and out on the surface for that matter, I am purely human, with little or no qualities that would classify me as better than any other human in ways relating to....whatever that is....I simply said...

'Yes, I'm ALREADY back at work, and have been for quite a while (because my baby is 2 months old, and I work in a commission only job, and last time I checked, people who have babies and work in commission only jobs, still have to pay their bills); and I'm pretty sure I am still a Mom, and have been the entire time. Even though I go to work.'

And, because I have obtained little or no demure and accepting behaviors in my short life, I am pretty sure I said it in a short, disdainful, snotty, curt, disrespectful way, and that I in no way allowed her a moment to apologize for what she quickly realized had just come out of her mouth. For after all, as I so rudely made clear, I had no idea that a working mother gave up her title of MOM the day she walked back out the door to provide for her family.

So, I guess we're even.

Tit for Tat.

I guess tomorrow, I work on tolerance.....glad it's tomorrow.